Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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