kristin has been a bad kristin
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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