I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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