It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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