What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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