i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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