Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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