I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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