your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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