My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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