I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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