my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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