So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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