my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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