Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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