I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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