K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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