The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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