Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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