I think im going to throw up on grandma
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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