I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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