My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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