Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize