Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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