I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Randomize