I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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