i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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