You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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