Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize