if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
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I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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