if only i could text you this smell
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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