Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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