dude i'm inner monologue high
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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