I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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