i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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