the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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