Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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