Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We left the knife in your bed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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