dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
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They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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