You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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