WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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