Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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