She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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