some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize