just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize