i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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