He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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