She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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