Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Welp...herpes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize