I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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